The End.

Last week as i anxiously awaited my period to begin - my 2 year journey to be a surrogate mother became no longer a reality.

The Doctor from our clinic decided that the very "scant" spot of fluid that is hanging around on my uterus is too much of a risk for surrogacy. At least through them. This whole thing has been very odd to me. From previous post that I have written - We have been given the green light at my last appointment to start getting my cycle lined up with the egg donor.
Last Monday though - i got an email from the IF (intended father). Not a phone call from my nurse or from my doctor, an EMAIL from pretty much someone i barely knew. The email stated that the Doctor had a meeting with them today and recommended that they do not use me as a carrier. And of course they were going to go with his recommendation and find a new carrier. They stated that this was very upsetting to them because they really liked and trusted Tim and I, but felt they had to do whats best. Of course. If i was in their shoes, I would feel the same way.

However, this email came to me at 6pm on a Monday night. By this time I had no one to call to get information as to what the hell was going on and why no one professional had talked to me first? I pretty much assumed it was this fluid spot but I had to go all night worrying, wondering, and just sad that something I have been working towards for so long has just come to an end, that quick. Again at that.

After speaking to the nurse the next day she confirmed it was the spot and supposedly it was never to work out that the family told me before them. At this point anything else coming out of this nurses mouth sounded like Snoopy. Wah Wha Wah. I was just irritated, exhausted, frustrated. She then told me that the Dr would call me back on my lunch hour at work that day..did he, nope. He called back at 5:00 while i was still at work and of course when i went to call him back he was gone for the day. I'm not even bothering with him at this point. The nurse did call me back to check in if i had a chance to talk to the dr, i just told her no and at this point i will followup with my personal gynocologist.

The weird thing is - today I got a voicemail from the IM from my first failed attempt journey asking me to give her a call. If you recall a recent post stating that she had reached out to me a few weeks ago about moving forward and then i never heard back. I did call her back today but was unsuccessful in reaching her.

I really did feel like I found a calling for myself. I was certain i was gonna be the best surrogate for that special family. This was something that made my heart flutter each and every step and every time I would think about delivery day. But for now I must put it in the past. For the past 2 years I have focused on and used alot of my personal vacation time to get to appointments. I'm not ready to make it 3 years and not have a light at the end of the tunnel. I thank everyone for following my blog and of course thank you, THANK YOU to all of my friends and family members that have supported my decision and were there to help with my babies when we needed it! A bigger thank you to Tim. You were amazing in supporting me and my decisions for these past 2 years. I couldn't ask for a better person to be by side every day <3